Sunday, April 09, 2006

900 pubs and nowhere to go

Ok, so I hate going out in Dublin. It's only the feeling every couple of weeks that I really should be sociable that gets me out of the apartment. If I had more reclusive tendencies, I just wouldn't bother at all.

So last night, I went out to dinner with a couple of friends. We hadn't made reservations, and every place was completely packed. Yes, you need to make reservations to go out in Dublin, which annoys me to no end. I'm supposed to decide what I feel like eating six days in advance??? We ended up at "Gruel", which is a funky restaurant with good food. This restaurant is an anomoly in Dublin - it serves breakfast until late in the day on weekends, and has french toast with real maple syrup, and the bread is not crap Wonder Bread. We got a seat downstairs on the couch in the corner, which was perfect. The only thing was that a rugby team was in the small room as well, so it started to get really loud after awhile.

I was perfectly content to stay there despite the rugby team, but I could tell my friends wanted to move on. I didn't want to, I knew what was out there - completely nothing! 900 pubs in Dublin and nowhere decent to go - especially on a Saturday night.

So off we went. I had already decided that I wasn't drinking because I had to do some work today. We went into one bar, "The Bank", that I like to go to in late afternoon if I'm meeting people. They have good drinks. My friend suggested it because she thought I would agree, but I didn't. I knew it would be really loud and obnoxious at this time of night. Thing is, I couldn't think of any place else to go.

In Dublin there are really a few categories of bars:
Old Man Pubs
Tosser bars (majority)
Yuppie bars - expensive and full of tossers
Wine bars - good wine, zero ambience - except for one but I can't get anyone to go there because they don't even sell bottled Perroni, just wine
Hotel bars - comfy seats, good atmosphere - though called inauthentic by my friends (they want authentic too?? have to go to another city for that), great drinks - very expensive
Tourist bars - to be avoided at all costs

Old man pubs themselves fall into two categories. Ones where women are really not welcome, no matter what the law says on the matter, and those where a woman can go without being subtly told to go somewhere else (no really, I'm not exaggerating). Old man pubs are the best for being able to get a seat and holding a conversation. However, there is nothing to drink at all.

I don't drink beer anymore. The draught beer in Ireland (and the UK for that matter) makes me sick, literally. It's the chemicals and preservatives that they put into the systems, I get physically ill after two pints. I can drink beer in Canada no problem, and I can drink bottled imports. In an Old Man Pub, there is draught beer, which I can't have; Guinness, which I only want in the afternoon - it's just too filling to have at night; bottled beer - Budweiser, Miller Genuine Draft, or Corona without lime. These bars never have lemons or limes. They also don't have a better selection of bottled beer - no Budvar, no Grolsch, no Tiger. I don't drink Budweiser at home, I'm sure as hell not drinking it here. The wine they serve is the worst kind of Chateau Plonk. Beware wine that comes in a quarter bottle - no matter what kind of bar you're in. It's all bad news. And as for hard liquor, ever hear of Cork Dry Gin or Huzzar Vodka? No? Well there is a reason for that. The Irish aren't particularly choosy drinkers, whereas a bar in Canada wouldn't be able to sell anything less than Beefeater or Smirnoff. In fact, Cork Dry Gin smells like chocolate. I kid you not! Though that may just be a symptom of an impending stroke or aneurysm from ingesting radically foreign chemicals into the body, and causing a radical potassium imbalance.

I should add that to order a sparkling water or soft drink will cost you about EUR2.50 for about 200ml. A pint of Guinness is around EUR4.00.

Ok, so to summarise Old Man Pub (where women can go) = good conversation, nothing to drink

So where else? There are very few bars in Dublin where you can have a good drink, get a seat (I hate standing for long periods of time and even more - I hate being jostled every two seconds as people walk back and forth), and carry a conversation on a weekend night - and is not full of tossers. Though to be honest, at this point, I would be happy with getting a seat, a nice cocktail and able to hold a conversation. I think the tosser aspect is inevitable in Dublin.

But while we're on the subject. There is an unbelievable number of tossers in Dublin. When I go out, sometimes I like dressing up, but usually I wear jeans. No matter what, I'm always underdressed here, and I certainly am wearing the least amount of makeup. Take "The Bank", the bar we were at last night. We were standing being jostled while sipping the world's heaviest Merlot (and we have all seen Sideways, or should have, so why are bars still even carrying this grape?) I was the most dressed up in the group, wearing a jean skirt, knee-high boots, and a wrap sweater. I was seriously out-dressed by the women at this bar. If I were to start looking like them, I would need to spend two hours with a straightening iron before going out, and start to apply my makeup with a spatula. Why are they trying so hard? All the men their age haven't been to the dentist in years and still live with their mammy. The town is just full of people who are trying way too hard. It's pathetic and it reeks of desperation. They all HAVE to find someone and get married. It's like my friend said to me once when we were at "Tonic" in Blackrock, a pathetic try-hard bar of the worst kind. He said, "you know, when you think about it, this is the most outre these people get. This is them being young, wild and crazy. It's really sad, isn't it. They think they're REALLY living life, but really they're going to some stupid bar every Thursday night, hoping desperately someone will notice them." Ok, so he's a bit bitter sometimes, but he has a point. I don't know how else to describe it, but it's the posing of the university scene (but in dresses and makeup) several years after university has ended. Sad in that Tori Spelling comeback special kind of way.

All I want is someplace with comfy chairs and good drinks. When I've found that place, I'll let you know. In the meantime, they sell nice reds at Tesco and I have two couches in my apartment.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, what about Metropolitan? Or has that changed since I left....

Anonymous said...

Two things:

1 - What the hell is a "tosser"? Is a tosser similar to a hoser? Do tossers have mullets?

2 - Wasn't it your drinking alone, at home, that started all of this?

Kilroy