I am so American when it comes to shopping

I think a lot of Canadians don't realise how culturally close we are to the US. I am often mistaken for American, but it doesn't bother me. Most people say 'sorry' when I correct them, but I'm never offended. In fact, I think, 'so what? I'm pretty close to it.' Canadians are really close to Americans when it comes to many things, but most especially one thing in particular - shopping.

Shopping is not a positive experience over here by any stretch of the imagination. It actually provokes violent thoughts in me. People push you out of the way as you're looking at merchandise, roll their eyes at you, and are generally rude and surly - and I'm only talking about the sales clerks here! I'm not joking. There have been several occasions where I've been nudged aside by a sales clerk while I'm looking at a rack so that she could tidy up or put something away. They don't say 'pardon me' or 'sorry', they just push in and 'do their job'. Fine, I don't have to look at the merchandise here, I can do that elsewhere.

I'm also not exaggerating about the eye-rolling. I was in McDonalds one day and I asked for my quarter pounder with no onions. The twerpy 16-year old had the cheek to roll her eyes. Now even in Dublin, I imagine that eye-rolling is against McDonald's global customer service policy. I thought to myself, just for that, if there are onions on my burger, I'm not picking them off. I'm asking for your manager and insisting on a new burger and an apology for my inconvenience. I don't like onions, ok? I have a right to have my burger my way. Or is that Burger King? It doesn't matter. I'm sure Ray Kroc is 0n my side with this one.

I've tried boycotting stores, and only shopping in stores where I get good customer service, but I've found that I just don't shop or buy anything at all now. There are about four stores in Dublin where you can get good merchandise and good customer service, but you have to pay a big premium for it - above and beyond average Dublin prices, which I really resent. Most sales clerks are too busy texting their friends to help anyone out, but last I checked their job titles were still 'sales associate'. It's kind of sad, but when I do get good service at a reasonable price here, it makes my day - like I'm really, really lucky or something. Sometimes I think that this town really needs a recession. Nothing like an economic downturn to separate the wheat from the chaff and make retail employees work to keep their jobs - and only keep them if they're good and retain the customers that are still buying. Too many kids working in this town have never seen a recession, have never competed for a job, and have never had to be good in order to be employed - and it really shows.

Another example: I was looking for a blazer, but they didn't have my size on display. I interrupted a sales clerk who was busy with her very important texting and politely asked her if there were any more of said model in the back. She said, she was pretty sure there were. I then asked her if she wouldn't mind looking to see if there was one in my size back there. Her response was, 'oh you know, I'm sure we don't have any back there'. Huh? That wasn't her answer a minute before I asked her to go look. I then asked her if that was because she just didn't want to check, to which I got a very snarky response. I will admit that I'm getting ruder and more pushy as a response to my surroundings. I can't say that I like this about myself, but whatever. I'm not taking shit from them.

However, the sales clerks can't take all the credit. Fellow Dubliners are just as much to blame. They're rude, loud and very pushy. By the time I make it down Grafton or Henry Street on a Saturday afternoon, I'm done in. However, it's not like there is much choice on when you shop because stores are never open. They're only open late on Thursdays so you can shop on Thursday night, Saturday or Sunday. It's crazy busy on all three days all year round. This time of year is even worse though. These days, people are using their strollers as bumper cars, refuse to move out of your way, and will literally shove you if you don't move out of theirs. Negotiating your way around is a veritable contact sport.

Another problem in Ireland is stock - there is none. Grocery shopping is a nightmare. One day, my flatmate asked me to pick up some milk and Tesco was sold out of semi-skim on a Saturday. I've also stopped eating salad because it's too hard to reliably find fresh vegetables. On several occasions I've walked in to the store to see that there is no lettuce today or no peppers. There is no reason for it except that it's Wednesday or that it's two hours before closing. If stores close at 6pm or 7pm, and most people work for a living, how can it be expected for people to get to the stores early enough to buy lettuce? Does one have to be a stay-at-home mom in order to get good groceries? It's stupid. Today I went to four stores to buy a lightbulb. There must be a national lightbulb shortage because I had to stomach Tescos on a Saturday just to get one because SuperValu, Centra, Dunnes Stores, and Spar didn't have any. So, I'm in the three-items-or-less line at Tescos. One lightbulb: 15 minutes in line. Have you heard the joke, How many sales clerks does it take to ring in a lightbulb, and how long does it take them? The answer is more sad than funny.

If you ask a Dubliner, they think the shopping here is fabulous - except for the expensive prices. I say that means they have never travelled. It's easily the worst in the industrialised world. I can take French snottiness. They're only snotty if you're buying something tacky, yet they still manage to stock items and be efficient - even if they're also never open. Irish retailers can't even manage any of the above. Others have mentioned that I'm used to over-the-top customer service because I'm from North America. Well, you know what? Damn right. I've got the accent so I might as well use it. I've got my elbows out so you better get out of my way if you don't want to get hurt. I want merchandise and I want some service dammit. Now would be nice, thank you.