I'll get to it....mañana

If there's one thing about Irish people, is that they'll get to something.....mañana. Sometimes that's endearing. There's something nice about not taking time to relax, be social and not rushing to a deadline. However, I'm from Canada, and being so close to the US, mañana is often a bad word. While I like the easy-going nature of the Irish, it really gets on my nerves sometimes....especially when part of my kitchen ceiling is all over the floor due to a leak in the shower upstairs.

We have a few plumbing problems in the apartment. First off, the taps in the kitchen need to be fixed. I called about it two months ago, and someone was supposed to come out. Now, we're not talking about a little drip here. We're talking about the Irish Sea emptying out into the sink. As of last month, the hot water tap in the kitchen is broken completely.

Now the tricky thing about the Irish is that if they sense that you're annoyed and impatient when they're giving you the song and dance about why they can't/won't do something, they're less likely to do it. I have to admit that managing to not get annoyed and appear completely sympathetic to their Joycean yarns is an art form I haven't mastered yet. When they're reciting a Finnegan's Wake-length story as to why they can't come until.....mañana, all I hear is no, I'm not doing it. I'm not interested in the reason, I'm interested in the action, but that might be the Canadian in me. In fact, what I've written above might be a telling clue. They're telling me that they can't do something. I'm hearing that they WON'T do something. Big difference. When I was little, when I asked my parents for something, and they would start to give me an indirect answer, I would say, "yes or no. Say yes." As a grown-up, the only thing that's changed is that I've learned to say that with my internal voice only.

Like I was saying, in my effort to embrace mañana, I haven't pressed too hard about the taps. Annoying? Yes, but I'm never home. Well, once the ceiling of our kitchen started to fall onto the floor, I had a falling out with mañana. I called my landlord and he gave me the number of the person who is supposed to come out and said that he would be here this week for sure.

I called this man because what I didn't want to happen is to hear the age-old Irish excuse, "I came round but no one was there to let me in so I'll have to come round again some other time." I wanted to know exactly when he was coming so that I could make sure someone was home. I wasn't encouraged by my conversation with "yer man there". When I told him about the leak in the shower, he said "yeah there is a leak there. It's been there awhile." I said, "yes and it's all over the kitchen floor now so it really should be fixed sooner rather than later." He said he "had it in his schedule." When I asked for the details of his schedule, asking "so what night this week will you be out so I can be sure to be home? I'll give you my mobile so you can call ahead so I can make sure to be there", but meaning "so what date in your Palm do you have us under because I think you're dicking me around", he got a bit beligerent with me. I crossed the mañana line. I went from asking really nicely and effectively that the work be done, to annoying, obnoxious American. To be fair, I'm probably at a disadvantage to begin with because I have the American accent so I don't do the "awww bless" stuff very well.

I've been told by a friend here that I'm probably too honest and frank for this country. I have a tendency to edit Finnegan's Wake down to one sentence, and I don't play along with their stories. It's like I was told that if you want someone to give you directions, in Canada you pull over and get to the point so no one thinks that you're actually going to rob them or waste their time. In Ireland, you pull over, start a conversation about the weather and 10 minutes later work in the fact that you're lost. I hear my colleague talking to people on the phone, and she's really good with the "Now pet, I know you're really busy, and you know yourself how it can be this time of year, but please appreciate..." I just don't have the patience. I've tried, but I can't do it. I get to the point where I get annoyed that they're wasting my time. They're telling me no and to add to the rejection, they're further wasting my time with the long-winded crapola story and it's cutting into my "how to I get around them" plotting that I have to do. At work, I've stopped asking the Irish brand managers for anything and have instead developed relationships with their bosses in the UK or the US. I've gotten some flak from them for it, but who cares? They don't get back to me so I see them as an obstacle that I've since removed. As far as I'm concerned, they can save the stories for the pub, I've got a job to do.

But I digress. The conversation with the man who is apparently the busiest handyman in Dublin ended with him telling me that IF he comes by, he'll call ahead. You would think he was very brilliant at his work to have such a packed schedule but in reality he is probably the landlord's brother-in-law or friend who has been asked to do this, and he can't be bothered because the rugby is on. That's how it works (or doesn't work) in Ireland. How the Celtic Tiger ever came to be in this land, I'll never figure out.

Well, now I've reached the end of my tether. As of last night we have no hot water at all. Now, if I wanted to live in a cold water flat, I would find myself a hovel that's far cheaper than the one I'm in now. Also, I'm sure you all know how I feel about cold showers in the morning. I went to the gym this morning for my shower. Luckily I have joined the posh gym near my house and the showers there are great! Not-so-luckily, it's rained solidly for the past week and the morning that I am walking to the gym in the lashing rain just to wash my hair is the day that I truly lose the rag. I called the landlord today, as well as the world's most popular handyman, and explained the situation. Now, the landlord has said he would come round tonight. We'll see.

I've approached my flatmates about setting a deadline of April 1st, coincidentally also April Fool's Day, and at that point, if nothing is done, then we call our own plumber and deduct it from our rent. I also want to withhold my rent payment on April 1st until the repairs are done. I've sent a letter to the housing tribunal today to find out my rights and to register my complaint. My flatmates are a little reluctant. They're afraid of being evicted. I don't care. If there is no hot water, I'm not staying there anyway, and I'm not going to find anyone to replace me. I would feel really dishonest about selling the benefits of the place to someone while neglecting to mention a tiny issue regarding no hot water. That can be my landlord's problem. That's another reason not to pay my rent on April 1st. I can tell him that if he's not going to get a plumber, then consider my deposit my last month's rent and find another sucker. I am marginally worried about coming home one night to find all my stuff on the street, but there are principles and hot showers at stake!

So here's the bigger dilemma. If I need to move, why would I move somewhere else in Dublin? Why don't I take this break now to move to the UK? This lack of hot water is really messing up my timing. I have a huge event at work coming up in June - in the South of France, and I want that under my belt before I move, but I won't be able to tolerate no hot water until then (and that's entirely foreseeable in Ireland, the magical land of leprauchans, plumbers, and other mythical creatures). Also, my friend just found a charter flight to Toronto for €240 return. That's an awesome deal! My flight to Rome next month was the same price! It's only for the month of May. I could go home and see the baby.....but not if I have to count on paying for a plumber in the hope of being reimbursed, or if I have to save up a deposit for a new apartment in April. The offer ends this weekend, but will my hot water be turned back on by then? Will I be able to cleanse myself of this water-borne dilemma?

Damn mañana. What's Irish for today?