I am so American when it comes to shopping

I think a lot of Canadians don't realise how culturally close we are to the US. I am often mistaken for American, but it doesn't bother me. Most people say 'sorry' when I correct them, but I'm never offended. In fact, I think, 'so what? I'm pretty close to it.' Canadians are really close to Americans when it comes to many things, but most especially one thing in particular - shopping.

Shopping is not a positive experience over here by any stretch of the imagination. It actually provokes violent thoughts in me. People push you out of the way as you're looking at merchandise, roll their eyes at you, and are generally rude and surly - and I'm only talking about the sales clerks here! I'm not joking. There have been several occasions where I've been nudged aside by a sales clerk while I'm looking at a rack so that she could tidy up or put something away. They don't say 'pardon me' or 'sorry', they just push in and 'do their job'. Fine, I don't have to look at the merchandise here, I can do that elsewhere.

I'm also not exaggerating about the eye-rolling. I was in McDonalds one day and I asked for my quarter pounder with no onions. The twerpy 16-year old had the cheek to roll her eyes. Now even in Dublin, I imagine that eye-rolling is against McDonald's global customer service policy. I thought to myself, just for that, if there are onions on my burger, I'm not picking them off. I'm asking for your manager and insisting on a new burger and an apology for my inconvenience. I don't like onions, ok? I have a right to have my burger my way. Or is that Burger King? It doesn't matter. I'm sure Ray Kroc is 0n my side with this one.

I've tried boycotting stores, and only shopping in stores where I get good customer service, but I've found that I just don't shop or buy anything at all now. There are about four stores in Dublin where you can get good merchandise and good customer service, but you have to pay a big premium for it - above and beyond average Dublin prices, which I really resent. Most sales clerks are too busy texting their friends to help anyone out, but last I checked their job titles were still 'sales associate'. It's kind of sad, but when I do get good service at a reasonable price here, it makes my day - like I'm really, really lucky or something. Sometimes I think that this town really needs a recession. Nothing like an economic downturn to separate the wheat from the chaff and make retail employees work to keep their jobs - and only keep them if they're good and retain the customers that are still buying. Too many kids working in this town have never seen a recession, have never competed for a job, and have never had to be good in order to be employed - and it really shows.

Another example: I was looking for a blazer, but they didn't have my size on display. I interrupted a sales clerk who was busy with her very important texting and politely asked her if there were any more of said model in the back. She said, she was pretty sure there were. I then asked her if she wouldn't mind looking to see if there was one in my size back there. Her response was, 'oh you know, I'm sure we don't have any back there'. Huh? That wasn't her answer a minute before I asked her to go look. I then asked her if that was because she just didn't want to check, to which I got a very snarky response. I will admit that I'm getting ruder and more pushy as a response to my surroundings. I can't say that I like this about myself, but whatever. I'm not taking shit from them.

However, the sales clerks can't take all the credit. Fellow Dubliners are just as much to blame. They're rude, loud and very pushy. By the time I make it down Grafton or Henry Street on a Saturday afternoon, I'm done in. However, it's not like there is much choice on when you shop because stores are never open. They're only open late on Thursdays so you can shop on Thursday night, Saturday or Sunday. It's crazy busy on all three days all year round. This time of year is even worse though. These days, people are using their strollers as bumper cars, refuse to move out of your way, and will literally shove you if you don't move out of theirs. Negotiating your way around is a veritable contact sport.

Another problem in Ireland is stock - there is none. Grocery shopping is a nightmare. One day, my flatmate asked me to pick up some milk and Tesco was sold out of semi-skim on a Saturday. I've also stopped eating salad because it's too hard to reliably find fresh vegetables. On several occasions I've walked in to the store to see that there is no lettuce today or no peppers. There is no reason for it except that it's Wednesday or that it's two hours before closing. If stores close at 6pm or 7pm, and most people work for a living, how can it be expected for people to get to the stores early enough to buy lettuce? Does one have to be a stay-at-home mom in order to get good groceries? It's stupid. Today I went to four stores to buy a lightbulb. There must be a national lightbulb shortage because I had to stomach Tescos on a Saturday just to get one because SuperValu, Centra, Dunnes Stores, and Spar didn't have any. So, I'm in the three-items-or-less line at Tescos. One lightbulb: 15 minutes in line. Have you heard the joke, How many sales clerks does it take to ring in a lightbulb, and how long does it take them? The answer is more sad than funny.

If you ask a Dubliner, they think the shopping here is fabulous - except for the expensive prices. I say that means they have never travelled. It's easily the worst in the industrialised world. I can take French snottiness. They're only snotty if you're buying something tacky, yet they still manage to stock items and be efficient - even if they're also never open. Irish retailers can't even manage any of the above. Others have mentioned that I'm used to over-the-top customer service because I'm from North America. Well, you know what? Damn right. I've got the accent so I might as well use it. I've got my elbows out so you better get out of my way if you don't want to get hurt. I want merchandise and I want some service dammit. Now would be nice, thank you.

Oh My God, I'm Sick of Beer

Ok, I have actually been sick of beer since about March, but it's reaching desperate proportions now. I can't drink beer like the Irish at all. Canadians just don't drink as much beer. Most people in Ireland think it's because our beer has a lower alcohol content, which is not true. In Canada, most people drink bottles, which are smaller than pints. Also, if pints are bought, they're consumed at a slower pace, and most people only have three before stopping. Funny because people in Canada think that I can drink a ridiculous amout of beer, but I'm a complete lightweight here.

It's customary here to buy drinks in rounds. If you're out with three people, it's a safe bet that the 'just one pint' will actually be three pints. Unfortunately, because drinks are bought in rounds, it messes up the round system to order a mixed drink as they're more expensive. So, when I'm out at the pub, I'm drinking beer - whether I really want to or not. It's pretty anti-social to say, 'oh no, you guys buy rounds, I'll take care of my own'. However, for some reason, I just can't stomach it much anymore. I don't know why, and I don't know when this happened. I can only drink about four pints and then I hit a total wall, and I can't consume anything else at all - even food because I'm so full. The first two pints are great, but then I would really rather switch off to something else.

On a related note, there is a new product out on the market here called "Lifeline". It's a hangover pill, but unlike its predecessors, you don't have to take one with each drink you consume (ridiculous and you would never remember), you don't have to take it a certain number of hours before your first drink (because all nights out are planned), and you don't have to take it before going to bed (if you don't always remember your pint of water....). Also, it's available in pharmacies, not just on the Internet, so that eliminates some of the dubiousness of its claims. You take one with your first drink and that's it. The marketing line is, "developed in Ireland for Irish drinkers. So you know it works." Hilarious. I was at the pharmacy the other day, and I saw the display for them but they were sold out. Everyone is talking about them. I'll let you know the verdict.

Grasskicker

For those who know me, you'll know that one of my frustrations about living here is that no one seems to play sports or is very active. There isn't much in the way of social sports for adults, from what I gather.

I had looked into joining a co-ed soccer league, but only found an indoor league run by Aussie expats. It wasn't a positive experience (nothing against the Aussies). Basically, the guys on my team were really young and arrogant. They never passed to the girls at all and were really aggressive. After awhile the girls stopped showing up altogether since we figured they didn't actually need us to play even though two women are required at all times or the game is defaulted. None of the girls on the team wanted to be pitch warmers, ie. stand on the pitch purely so that the guys could play.

There are some women's leagues, but what I found is that you don't join a league and get put on a team, you have to join a club (team). There isn't a real way to do that if you're an outsider. You have to really campaign to get on a team and you basically have to know someone. There is no such thing as a spare list or an individuals/free agent team.

I also found out that the real social sport to play in Ireland is touch rugby. However, the league only runs for nine weeks in the spring, which makes me wonder what people do for the other 41 weeks of the year.

I recently heard that a few of the women at work were trying to put together a team. So, I joined. I was concerned at first because I heard that they have a trainer and conduct practices. I wasn't sure I would be good enough for the team because I've only played on a purely recreational level. When I approached the captain about playing, I started to tell her about my soccer experience. She looked at me and said, "you've played before? That's GREAT! None of us have." I then heard about their first game against the other work team, which was formed on the other office campus. It was described as 14 women running in a pack following the ball - kind of like when you see five year-olds play soccer, minus the two kids sitting down picking dandelions. So, I figured I would either love it or hate it.

I played my first game last night and I love it! Most of the girls have no soccer experience, but a lot of them are athletic and you can tell that they're picking it up. One girl is really good and has obviously played before. Rules are very loosely applied. None of them know the rules actually. There was a big discussion at one point between a goal kick or corner kick. I was on forward and kicked the ball last but bounced it off the defender's leg. So corner. However, she started to argue that I kicked it last. So, we discussed whether it was last 'kick' or last 'touch' (it's last touch). The best part though, is that these women are so enthusiastic about playing. It's really fun. I didn't exactly play full out, which was fine with me considering it was my first game in 10 months. I am also pretty much the second-best player out there, after the other woman I mentioned, who incidentally has the same last name as me. However, it was so much fun to get out there and run around. It was the best.

Ohio is the New Florida - but without chads, election fraud and Brother Jeb

I always kind of knew that Bush would win but it wasn't until it really happened that it sunk in. This time, Americans chose Bush as the President. The people have spoken. After four years of his bungling, Americans decided that they liked him. Americans decided that the election fraud of 2000 was forgiveable, as was lying to one's citizens about WMD to go to war in Iraq - a country not containing Osama Bin Laden. The Iraq quagmire continues, but hey Halliburton got their oil, so that's good right? Therefore, lying about WMD to send America's sons and daughters to war is ok because the price of gas won't go through the roof. Likewise, Americans don't seem to be bothered with the erosion of civil liberties or the tanking economy. They also don't seem to mind living in a thinly-veiled theocracy that has more in common with Iran than with countries in Western Europe when it comes to separation of Church and State. They also don't seem to mind that because this is Bush's second term, there is a republican-controlled congress, and Cheney has already stated that he's not running in 2008, there is little accountability on Bush over the next four years, and he can veer as far right as he wants.

This morning I was convinced that Kerry would fight it out for those 200,000 provisional votes in Ohio. C'mon Kerry, every vote counts. You go. By midday I thought that the world was going to hell in a handbasket and that I didn't really understand Americans at all. I mean, is it really worth selling your soul for a piddly tax cut - unless you're a billionaire, in which case a ginormous tax cut? What about ethics, accountability, responsibility?

By the end of the day, I came across this article on Slate.com.
http://www.slate.com/id/2109079/

I had been surfing intermittently throughout the day, but not often because not only was I busy at work, but also I had the inability to open up a web page without wanting to punch out Bush's stinking, smirking mug. The article is titled "Why You Keep Losing to This Idiot." It drew my attention immediately. The author is right, Bush won because he's simple. In 2000 I made fun of the fact that the CBC found no shortage of people who were voting for Bush on the basis of personality. "He's the kind of guy you can have a cup of cawwffeee with." Didn't these people want the smart guy to run the world's superpower, instead of the affable Joe? Who were these idiots? Well, apparently the majority of the American population. When you look at the State map, the West Coast is blue, the North-East is blue, most of the Great Lakes States are blue, with the notorious exception being Ohio, but I'm blaming that on the fact that it also borders West Virginia and Kentucky (cue song from Deliverance here). The rest of the map is a great patch of red - otherwise known as fly-over country. These are the people whose only source of news is the local TV station and the local paper - highly-skewed and no foreign content (don't want that). These are the people that The Onion was referring to with their headline "Lowest Common Demoninator Drops Further: Network Execs Flock to Fill the Bilge". They made Big Momma's House number one at the box office for one week a couple of years ago, and last time I checked, "Yes, Dear" was still on the air. That's who Bush was talking to. That's who Kerry wasn't talking to. Bush did the better job of convincing people that if they didn't vote for him, Osama was going to get them as they were unsuspectingly shopping at Wal-Mart and if that didn't happen, then the homos were going to grab them, bend them over and rape them of their family values.

The author of that article is right. The Democrats do have their person for 2008 in John Edwards. He's personable, has a 1000-watt smile, is attractive, has charisma and he's from North Carolina. Americans want leaders with a simple message and a great personality. Bush gets that. The Democratic party doesn't. In the meantime it's four more years of a virtual civil war in the US. The hippies/Yankee bluebloods against the southerners/mid-westerners and the rural/suburbanites against the urbanites. Let's hope Bush doesn't do too much damage in the US and abroad in his (thankfully) last four years in office. At least that also means four more years of Bush jokes - don't see them running dry any time soon.

Election 2004

I have to say that I miss the overkill in the media of the American election. If I was in Canada I would be making plans to go to a friend's house on Tuesday night to watch the results. We would watch the map of the states become slowly coloured in blue and red - blue along the coasts and red in one big swath across the middle. Kind of representative of the socio-economic status of the entire country.

It's well-known that Canadians have a keen interest in American politics. Our economic well-being is, for better or worse, dependent on the US and for that reason, we take an interest in their politics.

I've missed the emails that would circle around from a few politically-minded coworkers and friends with links to articles in both the international press and alternative web sites. I miss the political jokes that would also make the rounds. I really miss The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Checking out the Comedy Central web site is not the same at all. Funny, if I was back home, I would be crying enough already. Watching it from afar is not nearly as fun. On Tuesday night I'll be going to bed just as the first results start rolling in. By the time I wake up, it will all be over.

I distinctly remember in 2000 watching the election at my friend's place. Gore just won Florida, which meant he won the election. I got home, flicked on the TV as I was getting ready for bed, and in the time it took me to drive home from my friend's house, the state of Florida was now coloured red instead of blue. I was up watching nearly all night. What came out in the following days was even more interesting, but what was shocking was the reaction of the American people. What would have caused full-scale riots in countries such as Bolivia and Venezuela, was not even registering in the US with anything more than a shrug of the shoulders. It has since become clear that the Republican party stole the last presidential election. Will it happen again?

I'll be thinking about you all on Tuesday night as I go to bed. It won't be the same reading about it the next morning on cbc.ca. My bosses at work are pro-Republican so I can't even discuss this with them. I'll have to wait for the email discussions. Again, not nearly as much fun as sitting up watching it with friends and discussing it at work the next morning over coffee.

Just a side note on my bosses. They are only pro-Republican because the head of the company I work for is. They are the biggest sycophants I have ever met in my entire life. I have avoided political discussion with them but I have had to correct them a couple of times because what came out of their mouths was so completely erroneous, I couldn't let it slide. Like when they said Clinton did nothing for foreign policy (but Bush did??). What about the Good Friday accord, which had to do with, uh, Ireland. Or the Middle East peace process. Let's put it this way, the one woman doesn't have any pictures of her husband on her desk, but she has four pictures of the head of the company I work for as well as the book he's written. I was warned about calling it 'the shrine' in front of too many people, but that's what it looks like.

For those of you in the US, vote wisely.

Some links that I have been looking at the last couple of days:
http://www.theonion.com/election2004/
http://www.thestranger.com/current/
http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/

All That You Can't Leave Behind

This post is dedicated to Bono because of my shameless use of his lyrics in this post.

I haven't written in awhile, and a lot has happened in the past couple of months. The job has gotten a lot better. It's gotten really busy for me at work, I get a buzz from what I'm doing, and I think I can do a lot with this job. Thing is, I'm wavering on Dublin as a whole. It's no secret that I'm not in love with the place, even though I have found some compelling elements about it. To quote a former boss, "I'm just not jazzed about it" (the city this time, not the job).

For a while I started to think that I would stay here a couple more years. As the visit from my parents approached, I even thought that I was crazy to go home at Christmas. I mean, what was I thinking? I hate Christmas. It's the worst time of year to go. There are so many things that I want to do and see over those two weeks and I won't be able to do half of them because of the holidays. Friends will be off seeing their own families, and the shops will be crazy, so shopping will suck. I also need to schedule dental, optometrist and hair appointments, renew my driver's license and get a new health card. That's not easy to do over the holidays either. I should have arranged to go somewhere warm and non-Christian over the holidays and visited Canada in October instead.

Now, part of me wishes that I was coming home for good over Christmas. I don't know when this changed for me. It seems like it was overnight. I know part of it was when the weather changed, and all of a sudden it was very cold out every day. I have even started wearing a scarf. It gets dark really early here and winter is generally damp and dreary. I now leave for work and come home in the dark, and we haven't even changed the clocks back yet.

I also know that another part of it was when a friend came to visit a couple of weeks ago. It's always great having visitors from home. Even though everyone here speaks English (though that might be debatable), only those from home really speak your language. The friend that visited was more a friend of my old flatmate than my friend, but it turned out that we got on like wildfire and it's safe to say that I have made a new friend out of the visit.

I have been really homesick this past week, the first time I've been this homesick since the spring. I realized that my friends are starting to drift. I've been warned that this happens around the nine-month mark. A lot of people have difficulty keeping up correspondence, and I'm as guilty as anyone. If you want to get a letter, you have to write one, and I've been awful this year.

However, the biggest thing that I've been homesick about is that I have no support system over here. It's something that I think I always took for granted because my family is just so solid. Many of my friendships were slow to develop, and as a result, my social support network snuck up on me. Now that I don't have that support of friendship locally, and it is something that I really needed this past week, I realise just how important it is, and how much it means to me.

Question is, am I ready to go home? The move back home would be really difficult. I wouldn't have a job and since I've only been at my latest job for 2.5 months, and temped the rest of the time I was here, I don't have a lot to show on my CV. If I could stick it out for a year, I would be doing a lot better career-wise. If I could stick it out two years, I would be laughing. I don't know if I want to though. I'm not sure being without my friends and family would be worth it in the long run.

In the immortal words of Bono, "you're on the road, but you've got no destination…", or maybe it's better to say, "you got stuck in a moment and you can’t get out of it". At what point is it a zen moment of not knowing if you’re staying or leaving, and not really caring either way, and at what point is it just inertia?

Can you tell I was listening to U2 while writing this?